


MacDuff Does Detective Work

by Thamys020



Category: Macbeth - Shakespeare
Genre: Beth is a himbo, Detective, FUCK bro this was called "himbo time, I REGRET NOTHING, M/M, but Beth especially, crackfic, everyone is stupid, everyone's high, ok lmao here it is, why the fuck did I right this?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:15:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22527688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thamys020/pseuds/Thamys020
Summary: MacDuff locks down the Inverness and decides (with his partner in crime Kieran of Lennox) that he's going to find out who killed Duncan.
Relationships: Lady Macbeth/Lady Macduff, Macduff/Malcolm
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	MacDuff Does Detective Work

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ancientcitylullaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ancientcitylullaby/gifts), [Jens_Holland](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jens_Holland/gifts), [laddybants](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laddybants/gifts).



“As of  _ right now, _ no one is allowed to leave-” 

“How long has he been doing this for?” Banquo asked Macbeth. Macbeth shrugged, trying to be casual but secretly was panicking because MacDuff wouldn't let anyone leave Inverness and was trying to figure out who killed Duncan. 

Which, of course, was him. He killed Duncan. 

“-You will talk to either me or Kieran, because we weren’t in Inverness-” 

Beth looked around the room, seeing how other people were reacting. Banquo looked nervous. Aaron of Ross kept looking around. Leslie of Angus looked worried. Malcolm and Donalbain kept huddled together. Ailith of Caithness rocked back and forth on a chair. Flora was pacing the room. Gruoch had fainted-though Beth wasn’t sure how real that faint was-and was lain on a table in the dining hall. 

Not for the first time, Beth regretted his decisions. 

“-And if we catch you trying to leave, we  _ will _ assume you’re guilty and send out notice to the other thanes.” Duff finished. 

Malcolm promptly fainted. 

“Well then.” Leslie said. 

“Everyone understands?” Duff asked. The remaining group nodded. “Questions?” 

“Why do you sound like we’re on CSI?” Donalbain asked.

“You-” Duff started, but was cut off by Leslie cackling with laughter. Duff glared at Leslie. 

“I’m trying to run a  _ serious investigation _ here, Leslie.” He said. 

“I’m TrYiNg To RuN a SeRiOuS iNvEsTiGaTiOn.” Ailith mocked. Duff and Ailith got into a shouting match. Kieran started butting in with dumb comments, while Aaron and Leslie tried to pull him away from the fight. Gruoch left to the kitchen and reemerged with a bottle of ale, which she shared with Donalbain. Banquo put his head in his hands as the room erupted into chaos. Malcolm was still unconscious. 

Beth felt a little better knowing the investigation was in Duff’s hands.

\---

“So the guards.” Duff said. 

“They’re drunk out of their minds.” Kieran said. 

Duff sighed. “I know that, Kieran.” He huffed and shook one of the guards. “Wake up.” 

The man groaned. 

“Wake  _ up. _ ” Duff said impatiently. The man opened one eye, then tried to jerk backwards. 

“Fife!” He blurted. “I-” 

“The king is dead.” Duff said. The guard went pale. “Did you do it?” 

“No! No!” The guard said. “I would never!” 

“You’re holding a bloody knife.” Kieran pointed out.

“I have never seen that before in my  _ life _ .” 

“He’s telling the truth.” Duff said. 

“How do you know that?” 

“Top energy.” Duff lied. Truth was he didn't have top energy at all.

Kieran raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. “Okay.” 

“Alright so the guards didn't do it.” Duff said, changing the subject so they didn't have to discuss his lack of top energy. “Do you have any theories?” 

“No.” Kieran said. 

“Great.” Duff said. It was going to be a long day. “Anyone you think did it?” 

“Ailith.” Kieran deadpanned. Duff nearly got whiplash from the doubletake he did. 

“What?!” 

“I’m kidding.” Kieran smirked. 

“Why does  _ no one _ take this seriously?!” Duff groaned. They came back in the dining hall. Malcolm was still passed out on a table. 

Donalbain grabbed a bottle of water and poured it on Malcolm’s face. Malcolm woke up. 

“Hello.” Donalbain said. 

“You  _ suck _ .” Malcolm whined. 

“Did you two kill your father?” Kieran asked. 

“I wish.” Donalbain said at the same time Malcolm said “No.” 

“So that’s a no?” 

“We did  _ not _ kill Duncan.” Donalbain said. “Sadly.” 

“ _ Donna. _ ” Malcolm hissed. “ _ Stop making us look guiltier than we already are. _ ” 

“What? We didn't kill him. I wish we did.” 

Malcolm buried his head in his arms. 

“You  _ suck _ .” He repeated. 

Duff petted Malcolm’s wet hair sympathetically. 

“Could you keep doing that it makes me feel better.” Malcolm blurted. 

“Okay.” Duff shrugged. 

\---

“Don’t make us look guilty.” Gruoch said to Macbeth. She always had to tell her himbo husband to do things right. He was useless, but she liked running Moray. She secretly one hundred percent wanted to date Favianna, Duff’s wife, but under Duncan she couldn’t do that. As the queen she could date Favianna, and yes that’s the reason she asked Macbeth to kill Duncan. 

Macbeth nodded and then Duff came in, Kieran trailing behind him with a bottle of ale. 

“Did you kill Duncan, Gruoch?” Duff asked. 

“Nope.” She didn't even have to lie. 

“Macbeth, did you kill Duncan?” Duff asked. Macbeth was silent. 

“I have the right to a lawyer.” He said quietly. Gruoch groaned and shoved Macbeth out of his chair.

\---

“I think Ailith did it.” Kieran said. 

Duff gave Kieran a strange look. 

\---

Everyone was once again gathered in the great hall. 

“So with my findings, I have learned-” Duff cleared his throat. “That Ailith one hundred percent didn't kill Duncan.” 

“Yay!” Ailith cheered. 

“Aw man.” Flora hissed, passing some coins to Leslie. 

“And the guards didn't do it either.” 

Flora groaned quietly and passed Aaron some coins.

“And I asked Banquo but he has a kid to take care of so I left him alone.” Duff continued. 

Aaron took Leslie’s coins and a handful of extras. 

“And  _ also _ Malcolm and Donalbain didn't do it.” 

Leslie took Aaron’s pile, and Aaron handed over some more. 

“In conclusion, through vigorous research I’ve done, I found out that Macbeth killed Duncan.” Duff said. “Thank you.” 

“YES!” Flora yelled, scooping all of the pile from Leslie.

Gruoch hit Macbeth with a basket. 

“I told you  _ not _ to make us look guilty!” She hissed. 

\--

In conclusion, Macbeth got let out, because Malcolm and Donalbain didn't care that he killed Duncan, because Duncan was a dick anyways. Gruoch went to go date Favianna, and Duff, left without a wife, decided to date Malcolm and became the Gentleman Of The Bedchamber. Flora won a bet for once in her life and promptly lost it almost thirty minutes later. 

**Author's Note:**

> GOD we're himbos here.


End file.
